Sweet jesus, my bike shop has been crazy busy lately. After work I just want to eat half a herd animal and go to sleep. So this last story about my vacation in Florida and South Carolina is wretchedly delayed, but such is life. Last I left off, I had just confirmed my true ability at time trials, and I left my comrades-on-wheels to seek out Goal #4: the girl.
I once explained to a female friend that if my mind was an FM radio, it only picks up two stations: girls and bikes. What can I say? I am a man of simple motivations. This is not to say that I equate one with the other. Heaven forbid! One is the most common form of personal transportation on the planet and the other will break up with you over the phone. No, I appreciate the beauty of girls and bicycles separately though this may be by circumstance rather than by choice. In this case, the girl I’m after is a concert pianist who has never ridden a bicycle in her life. And I hardly ever get to see her because she lives in Germany.
I met up with her in South Carolina the day after her performance. I was talking with her, describing my time trial, and she said that she would have really liked to see me race. Right about then my ego went supernova and I felt like beating my chest: Me, biker you, hot. But then reality kicked in I can’t imagine a race more boring to watch than a time trial. No matter how trick your bike is or how good you think you look in lycra, do not bring the uninitiated object-of-your-affection to a time trial. They will be forced to feign enthusiasm out of politeness or pity. You will not impress the pants off of ˜em.
Granted, there might be some exceptions. My female friend with whom I shared my radio analogy she and I got into a discussion about a bicycle being sexy she insisted it was inherent and I opposed. She is kinda hardcore into bikes though. I once had a girlfriend who was kinky in an odd sort of way among other things she had me keep my Sidi cycling shoes on (Dominators not Genius shoes road shoes have no traction). And it’s true that every single girl I’ve dated has ended up with more and/or better cycling toys than when she started the relationship.
My concert pianist has lived her 26 years completely outside the world of cycling. She had never ridden a bike because music prodigies tend to be treated like heirloom crystal by their parents. Growing up outside of Seoul, she started piano at age four and was never allowed to ride a bike for fear that she would injure her hands. I’m flattered that she would be interested in my passion for cycling, since it is so removed from what her life is centered on. It kindles conversation as I wait for her to open up to me in a more personal level of intimacy. But then she throws me a curveball:
Hey, Mark, do you think you could teach me to ride a bicycle?
Crap! I wasn’t expecting things to get serious so fast. What am I gonna do? I mean, I’m all down with riding a bike with a hot chick .but this hot chick has absolutely no experience with bikes a total cycling virgin! And she’s asking me to teach her. I don’t know if I’m up to the task. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW how to ride I’ve ridden in over 20 countries I’ve even ridden for a living I’ve had lots girls tell me that I am skilled on a bike .but with this girl who has never done it, I think that there’s a certain responsibility to show her a positive experience that will lead to a lifelong enjoyment. That thought makes me nervous. Frankly, my strategy is to find them after they’ve already had some experience and then show them how much better it can be. But when she asks me in her cute accent, how can I refuse?
We rent a ladies beach cruiser with a coaster brake, and I lower the saddle so she can flatfoot while seated. For the next 40 minutes I ran alongside her as she wobbled all over the place, catching her up in my arms whenever she lost balance. The neighborhood heard quite a few screams and squeals, and in the end she was satisfied and I was sweating. Then we put the bike away, and she smoked a cigarette.
(The funny part of my blogs is just how little I make this crap up)
So that was my vacation. Currently I am back in Seattle. The weather may be sunny today, but it far from the glorious 80 degrees of Florida. I am so busy at the shop I don’t get to sit (even to eat) for 8hrs straight and I haven’t been able to go for a long ride in a week. But my vacation was excellent and just about everything I could have asked for.
To my homeboys in G-ville: thanks for everything. And to the concert pianist: happy birthday today! Hope to see again soon!…