Too Drunk to Shift

“Too drunk to shift” was recently heard as an excuse for not winning a sprint, which was hilarious at the time, and rather accurate. That excuse is right up there with “my clothes were still wet” for missing a team ride, “being boxed in” for getting pipped in the sprint, and “air pressure was low” for not taking a big, fast pull or the classic

“Eamon adjusted my brakes into my tire”

I admit one time to having my girlfriend at the time (later my wife) call the team leader to say I wasn’t going to be there (that resulted in weeks of ridicule) … what’s your best ride excuse? Either that you’ve heard or used.