Too Drunk to Shift

“Too drunk to shift” was recently heard as an excuse for not winning a sprint, which was hilarious at the time, and rather accurate. That excuse is right up there with “my clothes were still wet” for missing a team ride, “being boxed in” for getting pipped in the sprint, and “air pressure was low” for not taking a big, fast pull or the classic

“Eamon adjusted my brakes into my tire”

I admit one time to having my girlfriend at the time (later my wife) call the team leader to say I wasn’t going to be there (that resulted in weeks of ridicule) … what’s your best ride excuse? Either that you’ve heard or used.


For years I blamed my winter slowness on my Mr. Tuffy tires and heavy wheels.  Now that I ditched those in favor of some Ritchey Slick Fortress tires…no more excuses.

Where to start…my bladder was full, my cleats slipped out, my cleats are worn, I must be in my training valley, my hands slipped off my bars, my head was down and finally my bike is too heavy…but it’s never the engine.

My stomach hurts and I didn’t hear the bell.

Wet cycling kit has never stopped me from riding. I missed a ride once because I forgot about Daylight Savings change…

waaaaaaaaiiiit….your wife half-wheels me for no reason, then starts sprinting, and now that’s newsworthy?  i just chose not to shift up, but nobody told me the green jersey was on the line.

and who sprints on a downhill? puh-lease…

Well, the other version of the story is that you started with this crazy cadence thing, like at 110 rpm (the no shifting part), and she kept looking at you like, WTF, and then after a while you two were sprinting. I was way off-the-back to see the green jersey win, but the whole thing was funny, “good times,” and I was wondering, “is he going to shift?”

that’s not sprinting, i’m always at 110rpm.  i can do over 210rpm on my fixie downhill, but not after drinking 3 or more (?).

ok, well us racer types consider any cadence over 100 to be a queue that a sprint is coming or a sprint is challenged

where i’m from,  it’s not a sprint if you’re not in the big ring.  in fact, we weren’t even allowed to use the big ring until we finished leg-speed drills.  when we did a long ride easy and then suddenly everyone began hoisting the chain onto the big ring, that’s when you knew it was on.

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